You’re always a winner

Let me tell you this – ‘You’re always a winner’ and whether you believe this, or not, (i will say it again) ‘You’re always a winner’. Now, if i said it one more time, could you breath in the compliment? How about just giving that a go right now? Listen, I am going to say this one more time and i invite you to breath in the compliment. Are you ready? Here goes – ‘You’re always a winner’. Breath this in. Read it again and breath it in again, ‘You’re always a winner’.

How about just giving yourself permission to feel this and allow this and breathe in the compliment? Read tool 10 again to learn more about breathing in compliments.

The title of this blog is inspired by something that happened to me. It was a cold Winter evening and I was watching the Strictly finals and the glitter trophy was awarded (I cannot remember who won or what year it was), but i said to my partner ‘I’d love to win a glitter ball trophy’. A couple of weeks later a miniature glitter ball trophy was delivered through the post and on it the words ‘You’ always a winner‘ were inscribed. The little things really count and sometimes we need reminding.

Tool 35 – Celebrate your success (because you’re always a winner)

This is something I really notice in myself and i have to check in with! Sometimes, I (we) can become so focused on moving forward that I (we) do not take time to celebrate the things we have achieved so far – each moment of each and every day.

Activity:

So here is an invitation. Create a success board which celebrates everything you have achieved in your life (or maybe just in a day). And please be kind to yourself here and really check in! Success can be the bigger things (e.g. gaining a new qualification; maybe even paying off your mortgage) or it can be smaller things (that actually make a big difference), such as, any act of kindness (this includes kindness for self!; even sometimes, summoning the energy to get up, get dressed and get on with the day. Every moment is really a success.

Crystal tip:

If you like crystals, Tigers eye and citrine are crystals for manifesting and success. Here is a Tiger eye crystal.

Tiger eye

Tool 36 – Things I have achieved that I never thought I could…

Now, if you are being tough in yourself and thinking you haven’t achieved much, think again and check in!  There are always so many successes (and these are very personal) and sometimes we can lose sight of just how far we have come!

Successes can be big or small, things that have required us to be courageous and overcome fear; or things that have required us to persevere and keep going; or things that have required us to learn a new skill etc. Examples may include: learning to drive a car, sleeping with the light off (yes, i once needed to achieve this :-)), completing a study course, getting a new job, writing a book, talking openly to someone about something ‘uncomfortable’ to discuss, moving into a new home, paying off the student loan or mortgage. This list can go on and on and on. Remember, you’re always a winner.

Activity:

Make a list of all the things you have achieved that you never thought you would. Take notice! These are the things that you maybe once thought were impossible or too scary, but you have achieved them anyway. You  may want to keep adding to your list. Once you created your list, check in and ask yourself ‘How does that feel?’

Tool 37 – Set goals

Many people set resolutions at New Year. Some people stick to the resolution and others don’t.

Often, resolutions are broad statements, e.g. I want to lose weight or get fit or eat more healthily. These statements are not specific. We haven’t specified how much weight we may want to lose, by when; or how we will know if we have reached the level of fitness we say we want or what we need to do to eat more healthily.

Goal setting can help to create measures, which can help to keep us on track.

Rather than simply stating “I want to get fit”, I could select an action, something that I can do to help me towards the long-term target, e.g. I could walk for 30 minutes on 3 days a week. This is specific and measurable and gives a time frame to work towards. If I achieve the target, a more challenging goal can be generated by increasing the duration (35 minutes), intensity (walking further in the same amount of time by walking faster), or frequency (4 days). If I am unable to achieve the goal, I can rework it by adjusting the duration, intensity or frequency to match where I am now.

Another key thing when setting goals is to make them achievable. Small steps are still steps in the right direction. For example, i am in the process of building my online classes and i would like to increase my class numbers a little and also increase the people on my mail out list. Rather than set a high number (which i may not achieve), i chose instead to set the target of adding an extra five people to my mail out list by the end of the next month. It actually felt good to be kind to myself in this way.

A useful goal-setting tool is the SMART formula. Make all goals:

SMART goals

Activity:

Think of something you would like to achieve and frame this by using a specific action statement about a behaviour you could take to achieve this outcome. Make it specific and measurable (use an action verb and choose a method of monitoring the behaviour/action, so that you’ll know when you have achieved it) and give it a time-frame (next day, next month etc.). Most importantly spend some time thinking about HOW you will be able to complete this action to be sure it is something relevant and purposeful (for you) that can be realistically achieved in the time-frame stated. For example, if you specify that you like to run a marathon next week, but are not currently exercising, this wouldn’t be realistic!

Tool 38: Path of obstacles

Once you have a goal and even before you start working towards it, think about the obstacles that may get in the way. This can be especially useful for bigger and more challenging goals! (e.g. like quitting smoking or becoming more active).

Activity: Draw a path, with where you are now at the beginning and where you want to be at the end. Add to the picture by drawing some of the obstacles that may get in your way. Now think about some of the ways of moving those obstacles – be creative and playful. You can bring in all sorts of magical creatures (dragons, fairies etc.) to help remove blocks – think ‘Harry Potter!’

Obstacles

Tool 39: Fear and comfort zones

Making changes to any aspect of self or life can be scary. The scariness or fear never goes away, it is an emotion that is always present. The key is how we manage it and whether we allow it to rule us or whether we find ways to work with it.

One strategy for helping to overcome fear is to practice doing things that move you slightly out of your comfort zone. This provides a challenge but when you achieve it, it feels great. Adding constant stretches to your comfort zone can be a real confidence boost. The key is making one small step at a time. If you are struggling to make changes in one area of life, practicing making changes in another area that you find easier to change can help build ’capacity to change’ a concept that psychologist’s value as a skill in its own right. Over time this ability to make changes can transfer over to different areas of life.

Activity:

Think about 10 things you would like to do but are a little scared of doing. Then grade each on a scale of 1-10 (1 not scary to 10 really scary)

Choose one that you think you can stretch yourself to do and do it or take a step towards doing it – one step at a time. See how it feels to do it. Remember, You’re always a winner. Every step is a step in the right direction.

For example (please choose your own examples):

  • Going out for dinner on your own.
  • Asking someone for coffee.
  • Taking a study course.
  • Changing job.
  • Starting your own company.
  • Charging more for a service you provide.

The key is to start small and learn from all experiences and not to give up. If the first attempt fails, keep working towards what you want to achieve.

Risk

One of my favourite sayings is  ‘If you always do, what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always got’ (Henry Ford)

And here is a poem I love – Risk.

Risk