A personal reflection and personal space between the pages of the blog.
I am using the blog page here to record (journal) some reflective thoughts on this year – a personal reflection on 2020 at this moment in time. It links with the journal (tool 4) in the previous blog page.
Where to start?
For starters, what a year it has been!? I truly do not know quite what to make of it; in so many ways it feels nonsensical. My logical/rational mind cannot fathom what is going on in these somewhat unknown and uncertain times.
Something I think I know is that there has been, and probably still is a lot of fear around. This is not helped by the media, which seems to focus on deepening the scaremongering. I am not discounting what is going on, just noting that building fear is not helpful, well not for me or the anxious part of myself. For this reason, I chose to switch off and stop listening to the news quite early on in 2020, because it became unhelpful to my state of mind and wellbeing. That said, I hold the little bubble of anxiety and occasionally. When this bubble slides to the forefront of my mind and my train of thought (like a ‘Yo sushi’ bowl, travelling along a track) I take time to listen to what this part wants to say.
At this point, I receive a text message from a friend (Wales are in Lockdown, England are back in) and my friend says she is ‘learning to settle and live with uncertainty’. I realise that is where I am too and that this is what this blog page is about.
So where am i now in all this?
Well, fear for me is usually about survival and safety needs, survival and safety of myself, people I love and care for (my nearest and dearest) and survival of others I do not know. What pops to mind is ‘Maslow’s hierarchy of needs’ (see image below). What also pops to mind is gratitude. In so many ways I feel so lucky and fortunate. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food in the cupboard, hot running water and I could go on.
Now, I know there are others who have more than this (mansions, palaces and access to private health care around the clock etc.). I also know there are others who have significantly less (some working more than one job and struggling to put food on the table and some living without shelter and some having medical checks postponed and delayed way too long for my liking!). The saying ‘we are all in the same boat springs to mind’ and I think, ‘no we are not, we may be in the same Ocean, but the boats aren’t the same’.
I struggle and battle a little sometimes with knowing that many of my concerns are out of my power to control. For example, close relatives who need medical care/check-ups and not getting it because of the current situation. I can feel angry, frustrated at the systems, at the physical distance between us (my family and me), my desire to change the world and make it a kinder place etc. I can wrap or knot myself up in that story. And then, right here, right now, I just take a breath and a pause; I acknowledge where I am, what I think, what I feel, I listen to myself and I feel a warmth inside, a love and a sense of peace re-enters my inner space.
And I am currently thinking, I feel like a human crystal – multifaceted (perhaps we are all like human crystals?) and I value the time I have just taken to listen to myself and write down what’s going on without judgement. It feels like loving-kindness to me.
Something that pops to mind as being useful and helpful is the use of affirmations (tool 15), which I will chat about later in this blog. One affirmation I am choosing to say to myself right now is ‘I am safe, you are safe, we are safe and all is well’. I am saying this as an alternative to the fearful thoughts or self-talk versions that can pop to mind. (I give acknowledgement and gratitude here to Louise Hay, who’s book titled ‘You can heal your life’ explains the value of affirmations in detail and which is listed in my top ten favourites (see tool 3)
Inspiration from a verse
The verse that pops to mind here is – Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson
Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson’s website: https://marianne.com